DRAWING LINES! The Week in Review – 11/13/13

“MOTHERFUCKIN’ TITTY SUCKIN’ TWO BALL BITCH, PING PONG PUSSY WITH A WOODEN DICK!”

nbc_new2That’s right motherfucks, I’m back to swearing up a storm in this weeks Drawing Lines. After restraining myself from letting the expletives fly in last weeks post, I’ve decided this time to go all out – blitzkrieg style. That opening line there, you know the one about “Motherfuckin’ titty suckin‘” was something that my friends and I use to say back in grade school. We would have cussing competitions to see who could come up with the longest string of cuss words and still form a coherent sentence. Although I’m not sure how coherent “Two ball bitch” is, still it worked. It was like goddamn profane haiku – and my friends and I were masters. Funny thing is, as much as I swear and shit, I have this “switch” I can flip and turn off the cussing in an instant – which comes in handy around kids and my parents, who just wouldn’t understand what a “Ping pong pussy” was or just what “The dick don’t stop till the pussy goes flop.” means. Speaking of pussies, have you seen this weeks Freeze Frame? Funny shit my friends, funny shit. Oh and speaking of funny shit, check out these bullet points!

  • Whats up X-Bitches, this week at NBC the X-Men reigned supreme and we all became x-bitches! Alex’s brilliant article HERE started the X-bitchness off and Patrick brought us all home with his kick ass Comic of the Week pick. Be sure to read both those somabitches, good stuff. As you know Battle of the Atom did me in on the X-Men. Brian Michael Bendis is not my kind of x-men writer. To me he just doesn’t capture the true spirit of my favorite mutants and I had bid a fond farewell to the children of the atom a few months ago – but then Jason Aaron and Ed McGuinness came on with Amazing X-men and the tide started to turn. then this week brought the double whammy of X-Men Gold #1 and Marvel Knights X-Men #1 – both excellent comic books that have reinvigorated my passion for the X-Men and shit I guess for comics in general. You hang out long enough staring at the dark sky and eventually you’ll see some shooting star.
  • Have you heard about that dealio about Brian Wood trying to play the mack daddy on unsuspecting female comic creators? Now this is all “He Said / She Said” shit mind you – according to Tess Fowler she was approached by Wood at the comic convention and he wrote his hotel room number on one of her comics and slid it too her – you know, for a “rendezvous” later that night. Douche bag move all the way dude. Here is a statement from Folwer about it: “The behavior of the man in question is considered normal in this business. And the few people who know about it consider it to be my fault for “falling for it” when he feigned interest in my work. In my pursuit of doing this work professionally I ran a gauntlet of this sort of thing. I came in with stars in my eyes and were it not for the handful of really good people who stepped in to keep me safe, I might not have made it through without being completely jaded by it. I am older now, with young impressionable followers of my own. And I do my best to help them over these kinds of hurdles when they arise. I wish more people were brave enough to speak out. But for every voice raised in protest, there are a thousand to defend the person in question. It’s daunting.” But after reading more about this incident it was reviled that this night took place 8 years ago. Here is Brian Wood’s statement: For the last couple weeks I’ve been accused of a lot of very serious things. I feel I have to speak up for myself and for my friends and colleagues who are finding themselves under a sort of scrutiny they don’t deserve. This situation has reached the point where it is affecting people who in no way deserve it, up to and including my family.Tess Fowler is correct about this: I did make a pass at her at SDCC Hyatt bar roughly 8 years ago.  But when she declined, that was the conclusion of the matter for me.  There was never a promise of quid pro quo, no exertion of power, no threats, and no revenge.  This was at a time in my career when I had very little professional power or industry recognition.  The pickup was a lame move, absolutely, and I’ll accept the heat for having done it, but that’s all it was: I liked her, I took a chance, and was shot down. I immediately regretted it, and I apologize to Ms. Fowler for the tackiness and embarrassment of it all. I’ve kept quiet for these last couple weeks because this is a problematic thing to address without unintended blowback.  While I believe she is as incorrect as she can be about what my intent and motivations were, I don’t want to encourage any negative opinion directed back at her. I think the larger issues of abuse in the comics industry are genuine and I share everyone’s concerns.  As a father to a young daughter showing an interest in making her own comics, I do really care about this stuff.  So I don’t want our difference of accounts to take attention away from that industry-wide discussion that needs to happen.” Brian Wood 11/15/2013
  • Well enough of that yucky stuff. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. How about we talk about BAT-KID! Now here is a story that restores your faith in humanity: The people of San Francisco turned out in their thousands to greet leukemia survivor, Miles Scott, in the guise of Batkid. The city looked on as the 5-year-old realized his wish to be Batman for a day battling mock crimes across San Francisco. Miles, who is now in remission after several years of treatment for Leukemia, was met with a surprise when he arrived in San Francisco to collect a costume of his favorite superhero. The Make-A-Wish foundation had organized a day of crime-fighting antics for the pint-sized superhero. Local media estimated that at least 7,000 people took to the street to cheer Batkid on as he embarked upon his crime-fighting mission in a black Lamborghini emblazoned with the Batman logo accompanied by the caped crusader himself. Read the whole story HERE
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BAT-KID!

HERE IS A COMIC BOOK BASED ON FRIDAY’S EVENTS

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During the months of November and December I’ll be hosting here in Drawing Lines an event in the vain of Battle RoyalThe Hunger Games, and Avengers Arena. I call it…

NOTHING BUT CONCUSSIONS!

The Ultimate Super-Hero Battle!

There will be four divisions for the contestants:

  • Division 1: Heroes Without Powers (ie: Batman, Captain America)
  • Division 2: Heroes with Psychic Powers (ie: Jean Grey, Harbinger) 
  • Division 3: Heroes with Super Strength (ie: The Hulk, The Thing) 
  • Division 4: Heroes with Multiple Powers (ie: Superman, Spider-Man)

Today you you be voting for your favorite Division 1 Heroes. Read their Stats carefully, then cast your vote for which hero you think would win in a fight. Choose wisely and then see if your picks will make it to the Final Ultimate fight at the end. Alright let’s get to it!

DIVISION 1: SEMI-FINAL BATTLES!

BATMAN vs THE PUNISHER

ga1Batman: stats

  • Genius-level intellect
  • Peak physical and mental conditioning
  • Master martial artist, acrobat, detective, escapologist, strategist, swordsman, tactician, and marksman
  • Use of high-tech equipment, weapons, armors, & gadgets
  • Master of stealth
  • Master of disguise
  • Highly proficient with technology
  • Access to vast wealth and criminal records
  • Trained computer hacker
  • Photographic memory

punisherThe Punisher: Stats

  • Expert in military and guerrilla tactics, strategy, and demolitions
  • Highly trained in both armed and unarmed combat
  • Stealth and infiltration expert
  • Special Forces training
  • CQC expert
  • Peak human physical condition
  • Exceptionally high pain tolerance

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DAMIAN WAYNE vs ELEKTRA

2753066-screen_shot_2012_12_14_at_8.45.48_pmDamian Wayne: Stats

  • Excellent athlete and acrobat;
  • exceptional martial artist trained by the League of Assassins
  • access to high tech equipment
  • good detective skills
  • good business skills
  • gift for voice imitation.

elektra-assassin-millerElektra: Stats

  • Peak human physical ability
  • Master of virtually all martial arts, particularly ninjutsu
  • Low-level mind control and telepathic communication
  • Expert with various types of weaponry, particularly her trademark twin sai

26 thoughts on “DRAWING LINES! The Week in Review – 11/13/13”

  1. Tough choices; Batman faces down armed thugs all the time but Punisher can stand toe to toe with most Capes. Both Elektra and Damian got killed and are assassins. Interesting that these matchs comes down to Marvel vs DC. I give DC the edge in both matches since Batman > Guns and Damian > all other assassins.

    That is crazy about Brian Wood and that female writer. It’s always the quiet ones. Wait, aren’t they all quiet?

  2. That Batkid story was beautiful!

    Had to take Batman over Punisher and Elektra over Damian( I know it’s comics but a kid taking down an adult straight up is something I’ll never think believable). Also, I know very little about Damian or Elektra so I could be totally wrong.

    Unless I’m missing something, what Brian Wood did was cheesy but as long as he was single, big deal. And 8 years ago and still bothers you, come on get over it.

    “Motherfuckin’ titty suckin‘”; the first thing I thought of when I read that was ” I hadn’t heard that since I was a kid!” 🙂

    Another great week guys, right on!!!

    1. Yeah at first I was all, “Fuck Brian Wood!” then after reading more about this incident I was all like, “Brian Wood needs help on his pick-up lines with the ladies”. Still, Tess has brought up something that does happen a lot to women and should be brought to light.

      1. My reading of Tess’ statement is that her motivation has more to do with raising awareness for a larger problem than singling out a specific individual. There may be more women reading comics now, but it’s still male dominated, especially on the creative side. Perhaps, Tess heard about a more recent occurrence(not necessarily having to do with Brian Wood), which motivated her to share her experience? The sad truth is that there probably are more of these stories floating around out there, even if the vast majority of creators are 100% respectful. You know what they say about it only taking a few bad apples . . .

    2. On Bleeding Cool Tess made it sound like Brian assaulted her and that similar incidents happened to other women. Who are these guys that write about guys in capes and try to act like Rock Stars with women? This is honestly news to me (the creators hitting on women thing). But Tess said she’s willing to take Brian at his word so there’s something.

      1. Isn’t assaulted a really strong word. Like he was a fucking asshole to be sure but when I think of assaulted I think of like Chris Brown on Rihanna or something.

  3. Did anyone else see the TV commercial for the new sandman comic. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a commercial for a comic before.

      1. I haven’t seen the commercial on tv, but I saw a video clip of it being displayed in Times Square. Also, there are print ads around Union Square . . .

          1. I also want to say that I have never been happy with the Walking Dead show (I have found it mostly forgettable and even boring at times) but man these last two episodes were good. Just F.Y.I. everyone. I’m wondering who wrote and/or directed the last two, it has to be someone different! I’m glad I didn’t drop it; I was so close to dropping it.

            1. New showrunner that got promoted from the writing staff so that might be what’s doing it. I kind of half pay attention to Walking Dead while I watch Sunday Night football on my laptop and read comics since my wife is still really into it but this season has been pretty good so far from what I’ve caught.

  4. Hmmm, I want Damian to beat Elektra, but I don’t want to see a Damian/Bruce battle. On the other hand, Elektra vs Batman would be pretty cool (I’m still betting on Bruce) . . .

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