“MOTHERFUCKIN’ TITTY SUCKIN’ TWO BALL BITCH, PING PONG PUSSY WITH A WOODEN DICK!”
That’s right motherfucks, I’m back to swearing up a storm in this weeks Drawing Lines. After restraining myself from letting the expletives fly in last weeks post, I’ve decided this time to go all out – blitzkrieg style. That opening line there, you know the one about “Motherfuckin’ titty suckin‘” was something that my friends and I use to say back in grade school. We would have cussing competitions to see who could come up with the longest string of cuss words and still form a coherent sentence. Although I’m not sure how coherent “Two ball bitch” is, still it worked. It was like goddamn profane haiku – and my friends and I were masters. Funny thing is, as much as I swear and shit, I have this “switch” I can flip and turn off the cussing in an instant – which comes in handy around kids and my parents, who just wouldn’t understand what a “Ping pong pussy” was or just what “The dick don’t stop till the pussy goes flop.” means. Speaking of pussies, have you seen this weeks Freeze Frame? Funny shit my friends, funny shit. Oh and speaking of funny shit, check out these bullet points!
- Whats up X-Bitches, this week at NBC the X-Men reigned supreme and we all became x-bitches! Alex’s brilliant article HERE started the X-bitchness off and Patrick brought us all home with his kick ass Comic of the Week pick. Be sure to read both those somabitches, good stuff. As you know Battle of the Atom did me in on the X-Men. Brian Michael Bendis is not my kind of x-men writer. To me he just doesn’t capture the true spirit of my favorite mutants and I had bid a fond farewell to the children of the atom a few months ago – but then Jason Aaron and Ed McGuinness came on with Amazing X-men and the tide started to turn. then this week brought the double whammy of X-Men Gold #1 and Marvel Knights X-Men #1 – both excellent comic books that have reinvigorated my passion for the X-Men and shit I guess for comics in general. You hang out long enough staring at the dark sky and eventually you’ll see some shooting star.
- Have you heard about that dealio about Brian Wood trying to play the mack daddy on unsuspecting female comic creators? Now this is all “He Said / She Said” shit mind you – according to Tess Fowler she was approached by Wood at the comic convention and he wrote his hotel room number on one of her comics and slid it too her – you know, for a “rendezvous” later that night. Douche bag move all the way dude. Here is a statement from Folwer about it: “The behavior of the man in question is considered normal in this business. And the few people who know about it consider it to be my fault for “falling for it” when he feigned interest in my work. In my pursuit of doing this work professionally I ran a gauntlet of this sort of thing. I came in with stars in my eyes and were it not for the handful of really good people who stepped in to keep me safe, I might not have made it through without being completely jaded by it. I am older now, with young impressionable followers of my own. And I do my best to help them over these kinds of hurdles when they arise. I wish more people were brave enough to speak out. But for every voice raised in protest, there are a thousand to defend the person in question. It’s daunting.” But after reading more about this incident it was reviled that this night took place 8 years ago. Here is Brian Wood’s statement: “For the last couple weeks I’ve been accused of a lot of very serious things. I feel I have to speak up for myself and for my friends and colleagues who are finding themselves under a sort of scrutiny they don’t deserve. This situation has reached the point where it is affecting people who in no way deserve it, up to and including my family.Tess Fowler is correct about this: I did make a pass at her at SDCC Hyatt bar roughly 8 years ago. But when she declined, that was the conclusion of the matter for me. There was never a promise of quid pro quo, no exertion of power, no threats, and no revenge. This was at a time in my career when I had very little professional power or industry recognition. The pickup was a lame move, absolutely, and I’ll accept the heat for having done it, but that’s all it was: I liked her, I took a chance, and was shot down. I immediately regretted it, and I apologize to Ms. Fowler for the tackiness and embarrassment of it all. I’ve kept quiet for these last couple weeks because this is a problematic thing to address without unintended blowback. While I believe she is as incorrect as she can be about what my intent and motivations were, I don’t want to encourage any negative opinion directed back at her. I think the larger issues of abuse in the comics industry are genuine and I share everyone’s concerns. As a father to a young daughter showing an interest in making her own comics, I do really care about this stuff. So I don’t want our difference of accounts to take attention away from that industry-wide discussion that needs to happen.” Brian Wood 11/15/2013
- Well enough of that yucky stuff. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. How about we talk about BAT-KID! Now here is a story that restores your faith in humanity: The people of San Francisco turned out in their thousands to greet leukemia survivor, Miles Scott, in the guise of Batkid. The city looked on as the 5-year-old realized his wish to be Batman for a day battling mock crimes across San Francisco. Miles, who is now in remission after several years of treatment for Leukemia, was met with a surprise when he arrived in San Francisco to collect a costume of his favorite superhero. The Make-A-Wish foundation had organized a day of crime-fighting antics for the pint-sized superhero. Local media estimated that at least 7,000 people took to the street to cheer Batkid on as he embarked upon his crime-fighting mission in a black Lamborghini emblazoned with the Batman logo accompanied by the caped crusader himself. Read the whole story HERE
HERE IS A COMIC BOOK BASED ON FRIDAY’S EVENTS
During the months of November and December I’ll be hosting here in Drawing Lines an event in the vain of Battle Royal, The Hunger Games, and Avengers Arena. I call it…
NOTHING BUT CONCUSSIONS!
The Ultimate Super-Hero Battle!
There will be four divisions for the contestants:
- Division 1: Heroes Without Powers (ie: Batman, Captain America)
- Division 2: Heroes with Psychic Powers (ie: Jean Grey, Harbinger)
- Division 3: Heroes with Super Strength (ie: The Hulk, The Thing)
- Division 4: Heroes with Multiple Powers (ie: Superman, Spider-Man)
Today you you be voting for your favorite Division 1 Heroes. Read their Stats carefully, then cast your vote for which hero you think would win in a fight. Choose wisely and then see if your picks will make it to the Final Ultimate fight at the end. Alright let’s get to it!
DIVISION 1: SEMI-FINAL BATTLES!
BATMAN vs THE PUNISHER
- Genius-level intellect
- Peak physical and mental conditioning
- Master martial artist, acrobat, detective, escapologist, strategist, swordsman, tactician, and marksman
- Use of high-tech equipment, weapons, armors, & gadgets
- Master of stealth
- Master of disguise
- Highly proficient with technology
- Access to vast wealth and criminal records
- Trained computer hacker
- Photographic memory
- Expert in military and guerrilla tactics, strategy, and demolitions
- Highly trained in both armed and unarmed combat
- Stealth and infiltration expert
- Special Forces training
- CQC expert
- Peak human physical condition
- Exceptionally high pain tolerance
DAMIAN WAYNE vs ELEKTRA
- Excellent athlete and acrobat;
- exceptional martial artist trained by the League of Assassins
- access to high tech equipment
- good detective skills
- good business skills
- gift for voice imitation.